Heartfelt Dolls
  • Home
    • About me
    • I Am A Dollmaker: crafter's statement
    • Beware when you honor an artist
    • Heartfelt Dolls: Fool's Errand or Heroine's Journey
    • Doll making as a spiritual journey
    • Igniting creativity with Heartfelt dolls
    • Heartfelt doll-making: a healing experience
    • Heartfelt Dolls: the memory keepers
    • Heartfelt Dolls on life and death
    • Heartfelt Dolls: aesthetic meditation
    • Heartfelt Dolls: using textile crafts in contemporary art
    • Heartfelt Dolls: seeking a definition
    • Heartfelt Dolls: A Political Voice?
    • Heartfelt Dolls: Face On/Face Off
    • Heartfelt Dolls jammin' with JAMTV
    • Heartfelt Dolls @The Open Studios Project Blog
    • Heartfelt Dolls @ ArtsMad Rotorua
    • Heartfelt Isolation
    • Exhibitions old and new
    • Heartfelt Inspiration: a blog of that which inspires me
    • Testimonials
    • Contact
    • News
  • Dolls
    • Heartfelt Dolls: companions for the journey
    • The Quotidian Doll: an introduction >
      • The Quotidian Doll Blog: introducing a Heartfelt-doll-a-day
    • Diaspora: the 101 dolls project
    • Heartfelt Dolls willing to leave home (for sale) >
      • Matariki
      • Through A Glass Darkly
      • Stitch Yourself a Boyfriend
      • Pink Walkers
      • Steampunk Dolls
      • Selfies
      • The Heroine's Journey
      • An English Country Garden
      • Hobo Chic
      • The Fisherman
      • I Shall Wear Purple
      • Enraged Woman Riding a Black and White Dog Writing Wrongs
      • Salute to the Sun
      • Old Woman in a Shoe
      • Soul Sisters
      • The Smiles Project
      • BFF
      • Blue Belles
      • Shades of Gray
      • Angels with attitude
      • Angels of gold
      • Angels
      • 'Ladies a plate'
      • Cosy up with a bit of skirt
      • Ice Palace
      • Troupe de verde
      • Animal Antics
      • Male dolls
      • Carnivale: stiltwalking dolls
      • Calendar Girls
      • Dammit dolls
      • Oh Cliche
      • Heartfelt Graffiti
      • Double Trouble
      • Lilliputians
      • Kiwi Icons
      • Faeries
    • Heartfelt Fundraisers >
      • Volunteer Fire Fighters
      • Memory keepers
      • Shades of Gray >
        • Shades of Gray Duets
        • Shades of Gray Men
      • Calendar Girls
      • Pink Walkers
      • Bandanna Chic
      • Selfies
    • Heartfelt Companions: sharing my journey with you >
      • One-of-a-kind heartfelt dolls >
        • Julie Has Flown North For The Summer
        • Hot Flash!
        • Whoops!
        • Medusa
        • The Bag Lady
        • Purple people eater
        • Social Climber
        • Place
        • Fertility Fairy
        • Smile
        • Blue Baths Belle
        • An Artist's Book
        • Pink Lady
        • Beloved
      • Heartfelt dolls in a series >
        • The Rainbow Connection
        • What's in a cup?
        • The Apple
        • Hi-Cut Internet Dolls
        • Godde Dolls
        • Shrines
        • The Rites of Autumn
        • Bibliophile
        • Seeing the world through different eyes
        • Akuba: encouraging change
        • It takes a village
        • Umbrella and Umbrage
        • A cautionary tale ...
    • Heartfelt Process, Heartfelt Transformation >
      • Matron Saints
      • Creative Guardians
      • The Nest
      • Freeing the caged heart: the poets and the dollmaker
      • The Unemployment Blues
      • The Bare Necessities
      • The Heroine's Journey
      • The Alchemy of Change
      • Sticks and stones
      • Stitch yourself a boyfriend
      • Inner Child
      • Salute to the Sun
      • Bindings
      • Euphrosyne: reclaiming joy >
        • Freeing the caged heart: poetry to lift your spirits
        • The Smiles Project
        • Dancing Feet
        • Irrepressible
        • Greening: a lenten journey
        • Wild Women Like to Dance
        • I Am Woman
        • Harakeke flowers
        • Circle of friends, vessel of hope
        • Dance
        • Spirit seekers, spirit guides
      • The Great Divide: one woman's experience of divorce >
        • Numb
        • Bound
        • Burlap and lace
        • Naked
        • Reclaim
        • Bitch
        • The Devil on my back
        • Burdened
        • God alone is enough
        • Simple heart
        • Broken dreams
        • Will the real me please stand up?
        • The Classifieds
        • Sing-a-song
        • Dark nights >
          • You are dying ...
          • Beast of burden
          • Wounded healer, broken heart
          • A moment of conversion
          • Unbuilding
          • Peace
          • Transform me
          • A clean heart
          • Unwrapped
          • Doormat
          • The weight of expectation
          • Promise
          • A new me
          • The fabric of my life
          • Struggle
          • Hanging
        • Dance me To The End of Love
      • Black Dog: one woman's experience with depression >
        • The Anti-depressants
        • Some days
        • What I wish you knew about depression
    • Heartfeltfelt Emotion >
      • Gold Angels: coping with tragedy
      • Emotions: a challenge
      • Lamentation
      • Heartfelt Anger >
        • Anger Management with Dammit Dolls
        • Dammit!
    • Heartfelt Celebration! >
      • I Shall Wear Purple!
      • Birthday dolls
      • Birthday cards
      • Julie's 21st
      • Celebrate my femininity!
      • Troupe de verde
    • Heartfelt Graffiti
    • Heartfelt Care >
      • Ageing >
        • I Shall Wear Purple
        • The Seven Ages Of Woman
      • For the children
      • Living with dementia
      • Say 'NO' to family violence >
        • You don't have to take it like I did
        • Are you the one?
      • Heartfelt Conservation >
        • Seduced By The Wild
        • Feathers Over Hamurana
        • Birds
      • Living with cancer
      • Breast Cancer Awareness >
        • Hello Dollies: an article
        • Pink Walkers
        • Primal scream
        • Flat Out
        • Paradox
        • Just Checkin'
        • I Love you, Mum
        • Mammogram Slam
        • Friends for the journey
        • Hair Today
        • Domestic Goddess
        • Deconstruct Reconstruct
        • Sewphie the stitcher
        • Nana and Gran
        • Procrastinating Polly
        • Colour blind
        • BRAve New World
        • Unzipped
        • Lord, to whom shall we go?
        • Knitting Nellie
        • The nay-sayers
        • Vessels of hope
        • Dancing Woman Labyrinth
        • Breast Labyrinth
    • Time Capsule series
  • Heartfelt Creativity
    • Heartfelt Fun
    • Heartfelt Comfort >
      • Girl Reclining on a Sofa
      • Cotton-soft boas
      • Wild Women Like to Hang About
    • Heartfelt Stitch >
      • Mother's Little Helper
      • Needlewomen
      • Old Woman in a Shoe
      • Delight in a cup
      • Heartfelt Companion
    • Heartfelt Wrapping >
      • Colour Blind
      • Spirit dolls
      • Bound
      • Aspects of Self
      • Wrapping as an art form
      • Wild Women Like To Dance
    • Heartfelt vestis >
      • What a wonderful world!
      • A thanksgiving vest
      • Dalmatics
      • In Praise
    • Labyrinth >
      • Shell labyrinth
      • Breast Labyrinth
      • Labyrinth scroll
      • Stitched labyrinth
      • Dancing Woman Labyrinth
      • Hopi labyrinth
      • Bead labyrinth
      • Journey
    • ANZAC: a tribute >
      • ANZAC Quilt
      • Rawene Boys
      • ANZAC jacket
  • Heartfelt prayer
    • Heartfelt crocheted rosaries
    • Heartfelt Retreat >
      • An Advent Retreat in Daily Life
      • Our daily medicine: a 28 day reflection on living and dying
      • Hidden in Plain View: a retreat in daily life
      • 24 hours: a retreat reflecting on the passion of Jesus
      • Stations of the light
    • Heartfelt waiting: reflections on the season of Advent >
      • Matron Saints of Un-named Women
      • Advent is a vessel
      • Advent is a pilgrimage
      • Advent remembers we are all related.
      • Advent is creative
      • Advent is a ritualised experience
      • Advent is expectant
      • Advent names God
      • Advent is a door
      • Advent: a sacred space
    • Stations of the Cross >
      • Christchurch Stations of the Cross
      • 24 Hours
      • Stations with haiku
      • John Badcock "Stations of the Cross"
    • Heartfelt Season: reflecting on the season of Lent >
      • A Lenten Walk
      • Lenten Prayer Flags
    • Heartfelt Hallelujah: reflections on the season of Easter >
      • Voices on the Via Lucis
    • Prayers from the Ark >
      • The Mouse
      • The Spider
      • The Dog
      • The Elephant
      • The Lizard
      • The Lamb
      • The Peacock
      • The Giraffe
      • The Toad
      • The Parrot
      • The Mother Hen
      • The Goldfish
      • The Cat
      • The Lion
    • Heartfelt Belief
    • Heartfelt Reflection >
      • These Parables Blow Me Apart!
      • A Single Thread
      • Every moment is gift
      • Harvest Wheat
      • Stepping out in faith
      • Harvest Heart
      • Dream catcher
      • The Sewing Basket
    • Sacred Story >
      • The Road to Emmaus
      • The Loaves and the Fishes
    • Listening To Winter
    • Genesis
    • Heartfelt Writing >
      • Joy on a String
      • Changing Landscapes
      • Rites of Passage
      • Sowing and Reaping
      • Hidden In Plain View
      • An Emmaus Journey
      • God and Dog
      • Dear Julie
      • An Intentional Walk
      • The Widow's Might
      • Does God Exist?
      • The Sewing Basket
      • Advent: A Sacred Space
      • A Secular Liturgy
      • Your Call
      • Dance me To The End Of Love
  • "100 day" projects
  • Prayer flag project
    • Blessings on the wind: a year of blessings >
      • April blessings
      • March blessings
      • February blessings
      • January blessings
      • December blessings
      • November blessings
      • October blessings
      • September blessings
      • August blessings
      • July blessings
      • June blessings
      • May Blessings
      • April Blessings
      • March Blessings
    • Prayer flag blog
  • Gratitude Flowers

DANCE ME TO THE END OF LOVE
writing first published in Marist Messenger in 2011

DANCE ME TO THE END OF LOVE:
Reflections on a divorce

Getting a divorce in New Zealand is straight forward. No blame. Two years separated.
Relationship counseling. File an application for Dissolution of Marriage, with a fee of $170.00.
Wait one month. All done. An end. A beginning.


Division of relationship property is a separate matter. This must involve lawyers, and
relies on co-operation and honesty.


Parenting Orders (custody) are yet another issue. Lawyers for each parent. Lawyer for
child.  Appearance at Family Court.


“Do you know the most surprising thing about divorce?
It doesn't actually kill you.
Like a bullet to the heart or a head-on car wreck.
It should.
When someone you've promised to cherish till
death you part says, “I never loved you', it should kill you instantly.
You shouldn't have to wake up day after day after 
that, trying to understand how in the world you didn't know.”
(Frances in 'Under the Tuscan Sun')

Like Frances, I am divorced. Unexpectedly. Still unfamiliar. I wake up each morning, and before I open my eyes, I think, 'I am alive.' Then for a fleeting moment, I am sad. I have to participate in a life
that is mine but not of my choosing. Almost as quickly, I summon the will to engage in this  new life; set aside the 'What ifs'; and list all my blessings.

I agree with Victoria Alexander when she suggests “ I realise… that after the steamroller has passed over … and I reinflate again, needing to deal with decisions that have to be made and the changes, that I have a choice after all. About how I will let things affect me.”

And so I make choices.

I realise that I do not have control over many events in my life. What I can do is choose how I will respond to each of these events. 

I choose to set aside anger, resentment, greed, frustration, and the need for retribution or vengence. Instead, I try to pray for all those involved to be filled with every grace and blessing.

I choose to look as objectively as possible at the events and people around me; to evaluate what is really important or of value. I try to let go of that which is not life-giving. I try to let go of all that is out of my control. I am also looking closely at my expectations of institutions, people and myself. “What I want, I don't always get,” says A Campbell SJ, “I may have to settle for God's anger, grief and pain.” Sage
advice.

I choose to seek out safe, welcoming non-judgmental communities. I have a strong sense of alienation, much of it coming from within. I have years of enculturation and indoctrination to process through until I arrive at a new place of belonging. As a Catholic divorcee, I see myself as a 'bottom-feeder', a fringe dweller, a displaced person. This is an issue that needs resolution.

I choose to welcome grief, distress and depression as companions for this journey. They are not permanent house-guests but I like to dialogue with them; listen to them, and honour their part in my
transition to 'single woman'.

I choose to embrace the challenges of a new life. Victoria Alexander says, “Change takes time and is not always easy.” Sometimes I resent them but I do recognise that there is something positive in most
changes.

I choose to see the God-spark in each person I encounter. Anne Frank said, “Despite everything, I believe people are good at heart.” I agree but again, it is not always easy.  Along with this, I try to
allow others to see and acknowledge the God-spark in me. Even harder.

I choose to nurse to health the victims of this divorce: trust, self-respect, financial independence, friendships, communication, honesty, creativity, confidence and hope.

I choose to adopt 'alone' and 'lonely' as  revitalising aspects of my new single life. As Tanya Davis says,“... lonely is a freedom that breathes easy and weightless, and lonely is healing if you make
it.” I now have time, and space, and freedom to explore who I am and who I am becoming.

All the while, my relationship with God is changing. It is quieter, more aware, more mindful, more grateful. It is not the wild passion of the new bride and bridegroom, but the constant, embracing,
nurturing presence of LOVE.

I have danced to the end of a love but now I dance with Love.

BIBLIOGRAPHY
Alexander, Victoria "One: Living As One and Loving It" Murdoch Books, 2010
Campbell, A God First Loved Us 2002
Cohen, Leonard Leonard Cohen Live (CD) Columbia, 1993
Davis, Tanya How To Be Alone youtube.com
Frank, Anne The Diary of a Young Girl
Under The Tuscan Sun (DVD) Touchstone Pictures, 2003 


Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.