Heartfelt Dolls
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HEARTFELT DOLL-MAKING: A HEALING EXPERIENCE

1996.
I had just moved home.
I was living with post-partum depression.
My mother had recently died.
Life was difficult.

Serendipitously,
I read "Mother Plays With Dolls" by elinor peace bailey
and I found a key to healing and transformation.
Later I received a copy of Pamela Hasting's
"Doll-making as a Transformative Process".

Pamela wrote
"
By using my own dolls and my own life as the thread of the story,
I hope to set a 'permission' example for you, the reader,
to tell your own story freely."


I took her advice
and the creative act of making dolls
has been a means of healing for me ever since.

They are the field where I encounter LOVE.


Picture
Art therapist Lucia Capacchione, wrote,

"The creative process exposes us to the risk of failure, ridicule, misunderstanding
.
While we shape the work,
the work shapes us.
If you see crisis as an opportunity,
an invitation to personal renewal,
then life itself becomes a creative process
."

While I shape my dolls,
they shape me.
They caress me,
comfort me,
challenge me,
stretch me,
heal me,
renew me,
transform me,
talk to me,
listen to me,
teach me,
enlarge my world view,
develop in me an attitude of gratitude.
They remind me to unwrap the gift of life.

INHABITING GRIEF

Picture
I LOVE YOU MUM, EXPRESSING THE PAIN OF THOSE LEFT BEHIND. DOLL BY JULIE VOSS, MY DAUGHTER
Artist and doll-maker Sara Austin wrote,

"
When my own mother was dying, doll making helped me survive this major loss.
I made dolls about and for my mother, and for myself...
This work combined with a lot of reading and soul searching
helped me to maintain a clearer perspective on death and the grieving process.
I felt fortunate that I had this ability to make personal dolls.
This was clearly dolls as therapy."


When I gave myself permission to grieve for my mother,
I created the series "Ladies a Plate."
I used her collection of old tea-towels, doilies and embroidered linen,
her collection of tea caddies and tatting,
to make dolls which honour her generosity, her creativity and her love.
Sometimes the grieving process begins before death.
Diagnoses of terminal illness, degenerative disease or dementia
all trigger a grief reaction.
It is heart breaking to accompany a loved one as they make this journey.

Doll-maker Margi Hennen, made a doll about her mother's Alzheimer disease.
She wrote,
"I don't imagine that I need to tell you
about all the conflicting emotions with which one is assailed
when a parent succumbs to this disease,
not the least of which is the totally selfish fear that it might happen to you.
Somehow making this doll brought a measure of acceptance,
and a renewal of the respect and love I felt
for the mother I knew before the disease changed her."


As friends watched their mothers succumb to dementia,
I created these dolls  to try and process the fear and grief I felt.
I used wool given to me by one of these devoted daughters.
Grief often creeps up and assaults us when we least expect it.
When ancient trees were felled at a nearby reserve,
I wept.
Lamentation was my response to this loss.
Picture
LAMENTATION

HEALING DEPRESSION

Making dolls using a pattern designed by elinor peace bailey
was (and still is) an integral part of my journey with depression.
Instead of curling into the fetal position and rejecting the world,
I pulled out a small work surface that was stored under my bed
and stitched dolls.
Dolls made with baby clothes, work clothes, old shoes, old jackets.
Dolls made with sheets, leather, suiting, woolen nappies.
By limiting pattern and design choices,
I could focus on the healing rhythm of stitching.
These dolls were a tangible reminder of all those who sustained me.
Each doll filled me with gratitude
and gradually changed my perspective and my well-being.
Doll artist and teacher, Rosie Rojas wrote,

"
Those who suffer from depression know the pain and anguish that this disease can cause.
There is a way out.
There is medication and therapy and, for me, thankfully, there were my dolls.
They were my outlet, my expression, my guides,
through those dark woods."


And there is a light that shines through the darkness.
I use dolls to help me engage with hindsight ...
to help me see from where I have come,
to acknowledge where I am now,
and to smile at the promise of tomorrow.

TRANSFORMING THE PAIN OF DIVORCE

Divorce for me was (and still is at times) painful.
Doll-making became an essential tool
enabling me to acknowledge and integrate this part of my life story.
I found, as Pamela Hastings did,
that doing multiple pieces on the same theme revealed
"new levels of meaning and understanding,
like peeling an onion
."


I often use story or scripture or film or myth
to give a framework to my reflection and my doll-making.

CHALLENGING STEREOTYPES

Dolls can become a way to examine stereotypes.
Religious stereotypes and myths.
Sexual stereotypes.
By reading and reflecting and creating,
we can create a new narrative with which we are comfortable.
We can heal the hurts inflicted by institutional stereotypes and myths.

In the series "The Apple",
I explored the patriarchal church
and sought a place of belonging and hope.

DIALOGUING WITH DOUBT

Picture
The process of making dolls
is a wonderful way of dialoguing with the big questions.

Who is God?
How do I find the sacred in a secular world?
What is the importance of community?
What do I worship?
Who am I?
How do I deal with injustice?

Most times there are no answers but the question is honoured.
Sometimes I discover I am asking the wrong question.
Other times I realise the answer already dwells within.
Always I come to appreciate the value of mystery in my life.
Picture

ENCOUNTERING CHANGE

Change is an intrinsic part of being human,
of being alive.
But it can be difficult to accept,
especially when it is not our choice -
ill-health,
unemployment,
change of residence,
empty-nest syndrome.

In Greco-Roman mythology,
the fish is a symbol of renewal,
of change,
of transformation
and of preservation of life.
So here am I, the fisherman, riding these changes, this transformation.



DOLL-MAKING IS A HEALING EXPERIENCE

Doll artist, Karen Shelton wrote,

"
However limited or flexible your definition of what a doll is,
however trivial or important you may believe dolls to be ...
Allow yourself some private time with these representations of the human race.
Some unexpected queries may come to mind
which you would like to ask them.
And the dolls may surprise you with their responses to the age-old questions
that have been asked of them from the beginning of time ...
If you are fortunate to be able to converse with dolls,
you may just find the solution to all the problems of the universe
."

I agree.

Dolls have given me a voice when I was unable to speak.
Dolls have honoured my questions -
offered a process and not imposed a resolution;
honoured the intent and cherished the product;
nurtured the soul and soothed the ego.
Dolls have encouraged me to safely explore my self,
my community, my ideas, my beliefs, life events.
Dolls have become a springboard for creative endeavour.
Doll-making is an enabler: releasing gifts that have been latent.
Doll-making has healed a broken spirit and restored hope.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT
All of the quotes I have used in this reflection are from
"Dollmaking As A Transformative Process" by Pamela Hastings.
This self-published book is available from her website
www.pamelahastings.com
My well used copy is from the First Edition of 1000 copies, published in 2003
and signed by Pamela.
Her words and her work encourage me to be my best creative self:
honest, intuitive, courageous, transformed and transforming.

visit "heartfelt dolls: the memory keepers"
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