THE ANTI-DEPRESSANTS
Sometimes all I want to do is curl up in a little ball and let the world pass me by.
To redirect this desire, I created a small, portable doll-making station.
I placed this on the foot of my bed each morning as soon as I rose.
Whenever I felt the desire to lie on my bed,
and succumb to tiredness, withdrawal, avoidance or procrastination,
I would consciously place this station on my lap ... and stitch.
Onto this doll-making station I placed a pattern from elinor peace bailey's "Rag Dolls Plain to Fancy", threads, fabric, sewing notions and embellishments.
Nearby were a sewing machine and fibre-fill.
To redirect this desire, I created a small, portable doll-making station.
I placed this on the foot of my bed each morning as soon as I rose.
Whenever I felt the desire to lie on my bed,
and succumb to tiredness, withdrawal, avoidance or procrastination,
I would consciously place this station on my lap ... and stitch.
Onto this doll-making station I placed a pattern from elinor peace bailey's "Rag Dolls Plain to Fancy", threads, fabric, sewing notions and embellishments.
Nearby were a sewing machine and fibre-fill.
The dolls I made at my 'doll-making station' reflect a desire to live fully.
They are not perfect, as I am not perfect.
Many are not finished, as I am not finished.
They are recycled, as I am recycled.
The dolls are political, as I am political.
They are creative, as I am creative.
All are interconnected, as I am interconnected.
The dolls have a story to tell, as I have a story to tell.
They have been created, as I am being created.
Always, the dolls restore balance when balance has been disturbed.
They provide clarity when reality is blurred.
The dolls provide a still-point, a focal point, when focus is lost or distracted.
These dolls transform the energy of panic into creative energy.
They ... remember.
Jack Kornfield says, "Always we can begin again."
The Anti-depressants gave me that opportunity ... again and again.
They are not perfect, as I am not perfect.
Many are not finished, as I am not finished.
They are recycled, as I am recycled.
The dolls are political, as I am political.
They are creative, as I am creative.
All are interconnected, as I am interconnected.
The dolls have a story to tell, as I have a story to tell.
They have been created, as I am being created.
Always, the dolls restore balance when balance has been disturbed.
They provide clarity when reality is blurred.
The dolls provide a still-point, a focal point, when focus is lost or distracted.
These dolls transform the energy of panic into creative energy.
They ... remember.
Jack Kornfield says, "Always we can begin again."
The Anti-depressants gave me that opportunity ... again and again.
MULLET
"In moments of discouragement, defeat, or even despair,
there are always certain things to cling to.
Little things usually;
remembered laughter;
the face of a sleeping child;
a tree in the wind -
in fact,
any reminder of something deeply felt or dearly loved.
No man is so poor as not to have many of these small candles.
When they are lighted,
darkness goes away -
and a touch of wonder remains."
a tombstone inscription
there are always certain things to cling to.
Little things usually;
remembered laughter;
the face of a sleeping child;
a tree in the wind -
in fact,
any reminder of something deeply felt or dearly loved.
No man is so poor as not to have many of these small candles.
When they are lighted,
darkness goes away -
and a touch of wonder remains."
a tombstone inscription
FERDINAND
Silent Presence
I thought that God
Had come to me.
That after the wild delights
And the suffering and the joys
And the pain and the hopelessness
Of the years -
That God
Had come to me.
That after adventure and achievement,
Pain, despair and death,
God
Had come to me.
Yes – with relief and mild surprise
I met my God again.
And then I saw.
Oh. fool I saw!
That God had suffered
The pain and hopelessness,
Had shared the achievements and joys,
That God,
All enveloping,
All compassion.
Had been there in silence
All the time.
Edwina Gately in 'Psalms of a Laywomen'
I thought that God
Had come to me.
That after the wild delights
And the suffering and the joys
And the pain and the hopelessness
Of the years -
That God
Had come to me.
That after adventure and achievement,
Pain, despair and death,
God
Had come to me.
Yes – with relief and mild surprise
I met my God again.
And then I saw.
Oh. fool I saw!
That God had suffered
The pain and hopelessness,
Had shared the achievements and joys,
That God,
All enveloping,
All compassion.
Had been there in silence
All the time.
Edwina Gately in 'Psalms of a Laywomen'
DAN SPARROW
The Call
I heard your voice today calling my name.
"I know you are thirsty. Come to the well."
And knowing my life and death
come down to you,
hearing your voice,
I turn and come to the well.
I heard your voice today, calling my name.
"I know you are weary. Stay here with me."
Now all of my restless dreams awake and fly,
hearing your voice,
I know that I am for you.
I heard your voice today, calling my name.
"I am the light you seek, burning forever."
And piercing the dark, a flame,
a lamp to light my feet,
led by your light,
I see that you are the way."
'The Call' by Janet Sullivan Whittaker on 'Daughters of God' OCP Publisher
I heard your voice today calling my name.
"I know you are thirsty. Come to the well."
And knowing my life and death
come down to you,
hearing your voice,
I turn and come to the well.
I heard your voice today, calling my name.
"I know you are weary. Stay here with me."
Now all of my restless dreams awake and fly,
hearing your voice,
I know that I am for you.
I heard your voice today, calling my name.
"I am the light you seek, burning forever."
And piercing the dark, a flame,
a lamp to light my feet,
led by your light,
I see that you are the way."
'The Call' by Janet Sullivan Whittaker on 'Daughters of God' OCP Publisher
JIM
A man of few words and much action ... a solitary man.
CHLOE
"O Lord, this day has been so difficult.
Wave after wave of dark thoughts, sadness and self-recriminations
beating down upon me like a storm at sea that will not end.
And now light.
Exhausted and spent from battling the waves,
my bones feel too heavy for my muscles to move -
but I cannot sleep.
Yet, I will trust your word, Lord.
I will hold on to your promise, if only with a feeble grip.
I will not be destroyed.
I will n ot be overwhelmed.
You made the sandy shore, the sea's limit,
which by eternal decree it may not overstep.
Toss though it may it is too no avail;
though its billows roar, they cannot pass.
I am safe.
I can rest."
Based on Jeremiah 5:22, by Mary, in "Prayers for Surviving Depression" by Kathryn J. Hermes
Wave after wave of dark thoughts, sadness and self-recriminations
beating down upon me like a storm at sea that will not end.
And now light.
Exhausted and spent from battling the waves,
my bones feel too heavy for my muscles to move -
but I cannot sleep.
Yet, I will trust your word, Lord.
I will hold on to your promise, if only with a feeble grip.
I will not be destroyed.
I will n ot be overwhelmed.
You made the sandy shore, the sea's limit,
which by eternal decree it may not overstep.
Toss though it may it is too no avail;
though its billows roar, they cannot pass.
I am safe.
I can rest."
Based on Jeremiah 5:22, by Mary, in "Prayers for Surviving Depression" by Kathryn J. Hermes
SKATER BOY
Skater Boy says ...
"Anyone can give up,
it's the easiest thing in the world to do.
But to hold it together
when everyone else would understand if you fell apart,
that's true strength."
Author unknown
it's the easiest thing in the world to do.
But to hold it together
when everyone else would understand if you fell apart,
that's true strength."
Author unknown
PETTICOAT JUNCTION
In his book, "I Had A Black Dog", Matthew Johnstone says,
"Black Dog had me believe
that if I ever told anyone about him,
I would be judged.
The truth is,
being emotionally genuine with close friends and family
can be an absolute lifesaver.
Letting the Dog out
is far better than keeping him in."
Petticoat Junction, made out of my children's discarded clothes,
was a great listener:
non-judgemental,
silent,
compassionate.
No quick fixes: simple companionship.
"Black Dog had me believe
that if I ever told anyone about him,
I would be judged.
The truth is,
being emotionally genuine with close friends and family
can be an absolute lifesaver.
Letting the Dog out
is far better than keeping him in."
Petticoat Junction, made out of my children's discarded clothes,
was a great listener:
non-judgemental,
silent,
compassionate.
No quick fixes: simple companionship.
PJ SAMUEL
"Will I live my life
always in fear
that some distant enemy
might invade my space
and cause me pain?
Or will I choose
instead
to celebrate
what I now have,
with its quiet beauty
and unfettered joy?"
by Joyce Rupp in "rest your dreams on a little twig"
always in fear
that some distant enemy
might invade my space
and cause me pain?
Or will I choose
instead
to celebrate
what I now have,
with its quiet beauty
and unfettered joy?"
by Joyce Rupp in "rest your dreams on a little twig"
DUDE
"Be a full bucket,
drawn up the dark way of a well,
then lifted out,
into the light."
Jalal al-Din Rumi
drawn up the dark way of a well,
then lifted out,
into the light."
Jalal al-Din Rumi
AUNT JANE
Sometimes, the way to the 'light',
by whichever name we choose to call it,
is the way of Job and Dante,
'a path of imperfection and suffering'.
by whichever name we choose to call it,
is the way of Job and Dante,
'a path of imperfection and suffering'.
BOLERO
"You know when you come across one of those empty shell people,
and you think, 'What the hell happened to you?'
Well,
there came a time in each one of those lives
where they are standing at a crossroads ...
someplace where they had to decide
whether to turn left or right.
This is no time to be a chicken-shit."
Advice to Frances in "Under the Tuscan Sun"
and you think, 'What the hell happened to you?'
Well,
there came a time in each one of those lives
where they are standing at a crossroads ...
someplace where they had to decide
whether to turn left or right.
This is no time to be a chicken-shit."
Advice to Frances in "Under the Tuscan Sun"
BABY LOVE
My children: my treasure, my gift, my privilege, my taonga.
Created from the old woollen nappies (diapers) and knitted singlets
worn by my children as babies.
Made using a pattern from "Rag Dolls: Plain to Fancy"
by elinor peace bailey
Created from the old woollen nappies (diapers) and knitted singlets
worn by my children as babies.
Made using a pattern from "Rag Dolls: Plain to Fancy"
by elinor peace bailey
"Dance, when you're broken open.
Dance, if you've torn the bandage off.
Dance, in the middle of fighting.
Dance in your blood.
Dance, when you're perfectly free."
Rumi
Dance, if you've torn the bandage off.
Dance, in the middle of fighting.
Dance in your blood.
Dance, when you're perfectly free."
Rumi
ATALIA
"Start acting the way you wish to be,
insofar as you are able.
To a large extent we condition ourselves to be as we are.
What you are feeding into your mind
and the way in which you act towards yourself
and for yourself
ultimately sets the seal
on what you are going to be.
What are you going to be?"
Iris Barrow in "15 Steps To Overcome Anxiety and Depression"
insofar as you are able.
To a large extent we condition ourselves to be as we are.
What you are feeding into your mind
and the way in which you act towards yourself
and for yourself
ultimately sets the seal
on what you are going to be.
What are you going to be?"
Iris Barrow in "15 Steps To Overcome Anxiety and Depression"
FLORENCE NIGHTIE
I am holding up the lamp of faith for you now.
I will carry this light for you
for as long as it is needed -
until you are ready to carry it again for yourself.
Florence Nightie is made from
my children's great-grandmother's flannelette sheet.
GRACE
I paraphrase Digby Wilkinson ...
"Would I want to repeat it (depression) all again?
Absolutely not.
Except for one part - grace.
Grace so changed me ...
Out of the great pain that we spend so much energy avoiding,
comes a new perspective that we would never want changed.
Certainly there are scars,
but they tell a story of a life lived within
God's amazing healing grace."
Digby Wilikinson's article appeared in 'Refresh Journal of Contemplative Spirituality Vol 11 Winter 2012
"Would I want to repeat it (depression) all again?
Absolutely not.
Except for one part - grace.
Grace so changed me ...
Out of the great pain that we spend so much energy avoiding,
comes a new perspective that we would never want changed.
Certainly there are scars,
but they tell a story of a life lived within
God's amazing healing grace."
Digby Wilikinson's article appeared in 'Refresh Journal of Contemplative Spirituality Vol 11 Winter 2012
PRIVATE AGONY
Each one of us lives with private agonies.
Sometimes these agonies are from the outside:
natural disasters;
war and civil unrest;
accidents;
poverty;
abuse of all kinds;
cultural traditions, such as female circumcision.
Sometimes these agonies are from within:
depression;
disease;
our own behaviours.
What defines us as human beings,
as the image of divine love,
no matter the source of our agony,
is how we react to these agonies.
Sometimes these agonies are from the outside:
natural disasters;
war and civil unrest;
accidents;
poverty;
abuse of all kinds;
cultural traditions, such as female circumcision.
Sometimes these agonies are from within:
depression;
disease;
our own behaviours.
What defines us as human beings,
as the image of divine love,
no matter the source of our agony,
is how we react to these agonies.
CASPAR
"I wish that life should not be
cheap, but sacred,
I wish the days to be as
centuries, loaded, fragrant"
Ralph Waldo Emerson
CASSANDRA
Michael Rosen writes,
"Sad is a place
that is deep and dark
like the space
under the bed
Sad is a place
that is high and light
like the sky
above my head
When it's deep and dark
I don't dare go there
When it's high and light
I want to be thin air.
This last bit means that I don't want to be here.
I just want to disappear."
"Sad is a place
that is deep and dark
like the space
under the bed
Sad is a place
that is high and light
like the sky
above my head
When it's deep and dark
I don't dare go there
When it's high and light
I want to be thin air.
This last bit means that I don't want to be here.
I just want to disappear."
GEYSER GEEZER
THANKS FOR DEPRIVATIONS
Lord,
I thank you that in your love you have taken away from me
all earthly wealth
and that now you clothe me and feed me through the kindness of others.
Lord,
I thank you that since you have taken away the sight of my eyes
you serve me now through the eyes of others.
Lord,
I thank you that since you have taken away the strength
of my hands and my heart
you minister to me by the hands and hearts of others.
Lord,
I pray for them.
reward them for it in your heavenly love,
that they may faithfully serve and please you
till they reach a happy end.
Amen
Mechtild of Magdeburg (1210-1280)
Lord,
I thank you that in your love you have taken away from me
all earthly wealth
and that now you clothe me and feed me through the kindness of others.
Lord,
I thank you that since you have taken away the sight of my eyes
you serve me now through the eyes of others.
Lord,
I thank you that since you have taken away the strength
of my hands and my heart
you minister to me by the hands and hearts of others.
Lord,
I pray for them.
reward them for it in your heavenly love,
that they may faithfully serve and please you
till they reach a happy end.
Amen
Mechtild of Magdeburg (1210-1280)
postscript...
I wholeheartedly agree with Mechtild's recognition of LOVE in the service, actions and attentions of others.
However, I do not agree that LOVE sends afflictions to test and try us. These are simply an inherent part of the human condition and the environment in which we dwell.
I wholeheartedly agree with Mechtild's recognition of LOVE in the service, actions and attentions of others.
However, I do not agree that LOVE sends afflictions to test and try us. These are simply an inherent part of the human condition and the environment in which we dwell.
PAX
Peace in every breath.
Peace in every step.
Peace in every heartbeat.
Peace in every thought.
Peace in every glance.
Peace in every pause.
Peace in every memory.
Peace.
Peace in every step.
Peace in every heartbeat.
Peace in every thought.
Peace in every glance.
Peace in every pause.
Peace in every memory.
Peace.
PHOENIX DOLLMAKER
"Many elements may block our acceptance of what incarnation implies.
God's passionate love for us,
so deeply vital that God became one of us.
It can be blocked by doubt that there is a God.
It can be blocked by doubt we have enough worth
for God to want us,
for anyone to want us,
for us to even want ourselves.
It can be blocked by apathy.
It can be blocked by skepticism.
It can be blocked by incredulity.
It cannot be blocked for not being big enough
or bold enough."
from "God First Loved Us" by A Campbell SJ
God's passionate love for us,
so deeply vital that God became one of us.
It can be blocked by doubt that there is a God.
It can be blocked by doubt we have enough worth
for God to want us,
for anyone to want us,
for us to even want ourselves.
It can be blocked by apathy.
It can be blocked by skepticism.
It can be blocked by incredulity.
It cannot be blocked for not being big enough
or bold enough."
from "God First Loved Us" by A Campbell SJ
STAR TREKKER
STAR TREKKER: going where no-one dares to go
"Whenever we encounter
dry bones feelings,
let us enter the valley of death,
patiently and with hope.
Let us look for what or who has stolen life from us,
and then give ourselves to
the Breath-Maker,
the Life-Giver.
Let us trust that
this experience will draw us more deeply
into the heart of God
where we find our true selves."
Joyce Rupp
dry bones feelings,
let us enter the valley of death,
patiently and with hope.
Let us look for what or who has stolen life from us,
and then give ourselves to
the Breath-Maker,
the Life-Giver.
Let us trust that
this experience will draw us more deeply
into the heart of God
where we find our true selves."
Joyce Rupp
SWEET CHILLI PHILLI
I believe, God,
though I cannot see
or hear or feel your presence.
I believe and I trust.
You are the very life within me:
my breath, my heartbeat.
You are within,
near me in my pain and my emptiness,
my void.
I believe.
Open my heart to gratitude
so that my pain and my emptiness
may be fruitful,
that my darkness may be a creative space
where I come to know you in a new way,
deep and intimate,
deeper and more real than words or images.
And with an open heart
may your stillness and peace and faithfulness
pour out of my being to others.
Amen
Maire nic Dhia
though I cannot see
or hear or feel your presence.
I believe and I trust.
You are the very life within me:
my breath, my heartbeat.
You are within,
near me in my pain and my emptiness,
my void.
I believe.
Open my heart to gratitude
so that my pain and my emptiness
may be fruitful,
that my darkness may be a creative space
where I come to know you in a new way,
deep and intimate,
deeper and more real than words or images.
And with an open heart
may your stillness and peace and faithfulness
pour out of my being to others.
Amen
Maire nic Dhia
PIPPIN
"Sometimes our light goes out,
but it is blown into flame by another."
Albert Schweitzer
T-REX
"What is healing after all,
but an increasing capacity
to cope with the unavoidable,
and sometimes unbearable,
ups and downs of life,
and even thrive as a result?"
Patte Randall, Refresh Journal of Contemplative Spirituality Vol11 Number 2
postscript ...
T-Rex was the last doll I made at the work-station I had positioned on my bed.
Now, the work-station is more portable.
I have it in the living space or on a table near my sewing machine.
Always, I make sure it is visible:
an invitation to create; to express; to heal.
The work-station is a constant reminder simply to be myself.
Now, the work-station is more portable.
I have it in the living space or on a table near my sewing machine.
Always, I make sure it is visible:
an invitation to create; to express; to heal.
The work-station is a constant reminder simply to be myself.
