SOME DAYS
Some days I cannot break through to reality
Living with depression is a life lived with paradox:
life is both predictable and unpredictable;
life is both an invitation and a rejection;
life is both delightful and burdensome;
life proceeds but life is stalled.
'Some days' is my response to this paradox.
life is both predictable and unpredictable;
life is both an invitation and a rejection;
life is both delightful and burdensome;
life proceeds but life is stalled.
'Some days' is my response to this paradox.
SURRENDER
Some days ...
I surrender
I surrender
The reality of life in the wilderness
Yahweh, my God! Why have you forsaken me?
Day and night for weeks I have called. Your silence is deafening.
Where am I? I am lost. My feet are not my own.
My heart has gone dry. My dull prayers stumble on stones.
Neither the dogs obey my voice, nor the flock my crook.
When I bring them to all to water, in it float dead rooks.
And the desert people - I've not met their like before.
"A worm you are," they shriek at me, "not a man at all."
They unleashed their dogs. Flesh hangs now from my hands and feet.
They even stole my new robe - I'm wearing dirty sheets.
Finally in the rocks I fell, bleeding in the sun.
Now each of my bones aches, I can count every one.
Yahweh, where's my fault? Have I disobeyed your law?
Then why is my heart melted, tongue stuck to my jaw?
Life is meant to make sense. I understand nothing.
I was on my way home, but I've found only suffering.
My beloved waits, somewhere beyond the horizon.
Make me worthy of her, Lord, for I am poison!
by Keith Hill in "Psalms of Exile and Return"
Yahweh, my God! Why have you forsaken me?
Day and night for weeks I have called. Your silence is deafening.
Where am I? I am lost. My feet are not my own.
My heart has gone dry. My dull prayers stumble on stones.
Neither the dogs obey my voice, nor the flock my crook.
When I bring them to all to water, in it float dead rooks.
And the desert people - I've not met their like before.
"A worm you are," they shriek at me, "not a man at all."
They unleashed their dogs. Flesh hangs now from my hands and feet.
They even stole my new robe - I'm wearing dirty sheets.
Finally in the rocks I fell, bleeding in the sun.
Now each of my bones aches, I can count every one.
Yahweh, where's my fault? Have I disobeyed your law?
Then why is my heart melted, tongue stuck to my jaw?
Life is meant to make sense. I understand nothing.
I was on my way home, but I've found only suffering.
My beloved waits, somewhere beyond the horizon.
Make me worthy of her, Lord, for I am poison!
by Keith Hill in "Psalms of Exile and Return"
EMBRACE
Some days ...
I simply need a hug.
I simply need a hug.
UNSPEAKING PARTNER TO MY SORROW
The gift of your tender presence
Companions me without words.
Your kindhearted love carefully rests
On the breast of my ashen sorrow.
Your compassion accompanies me
Like the soft assuredness of moonlight.
Your empathy touches my memories,
Easing painful remembrance of loss.
Your care soothes my aching heart
When it languishes in emptiness.
Joyce Rupp in "Fragments of Your Ancient Name"
The gift of your tender presence
Companions me without words.
Your kindhearted love carefully rests
On the breast of my ashen sorrow.
Your compassion accompanies me
Like the soft assuredness of moonlight.
Your empathy touches my memories,
Easing painful remembrance of loss.
Your care soothes my aching heart
When it languishes in emptiness.
Joyce Rupp in "Fragments of Your Ancient Name"
READY
Some days ...
I am ready to work.
I am positive, alert, enthusiastic, willing, creative.
I am ready to work.
I am positive, alert, enthusiastic, willing, creative.
SILENT PRESENCE
I thought that God
Had come to me.
That after the wild delights
And the suffering and the joys
And the pain and the hopelessness
Of the years -
That God
Had come to me.
That after adventure and achievement,
Pain, despair and death,
God
Had come to me.
Yes – with relief and mild surprise
I met my God again.
And then I saw.
Oh. fool I saw!
That God had suffered
The pain and hopelessness,
Had shared the achievements and joys,
That God,
All enveloping,
All compassion.
Had been there in silence
All the time.
Edwina Gately in 'Psalms of a Laywomen'
I thought that God
Had come to me.
That after the wild delights
And the suffering and the joys
And the pain and the hopelessness
Of the years -
That God
Had come to me.
That after adventure and achievement,
Pain, despair and death,
God
Had come to me.
Yes – with relief and mild surprise
I met my God again.
And then I saw.
Oh. fool I saw!
That God had suffered
The pain and hopelessness,
Had shared the achievements and joys,
That God,
All enveloping,
All compassion.
Had been there in silence
All the time.
Edwina Gately in 'Psalms of a Laywomen'
SHADOW
Some days ...
depression casts a shadow over all.
I cannot rise up.
My outlook is gloomy.
I expect, maybe even hope, that everyone feels as overcast as I.
depression casts a shadow over all.
I cannot rise up.
My outlook is gloomy.
I expect, maybe even hope, that everyone feels as overcast as I.
Night Tears
There is a crying
that happens at night
that does not come
while the light is with us.
There are things that cannot
be evaded
once the sun goes down.
Small nocturnal creatures
with sharp white teeth
silently gnaw at the edges of
belly and heart
when the darkness descends
and the void inside
grows larger.
It can split you open.
And bone
in the centre of your chest
aches
like the cracked wishing bone
from the turkey breast.
And if we are strong enough
to be weak enough
we are given a wound
that never heals.
It is the gift
that keeps the heart open.
Oriah Mountain Dreamer ©1995
There is a crying
that happens at night
that does not come
while the light is with us.
There are things that cannot
be evaded
once the sun goes down.
Small nocturnal creatures
with sharp white teeth
silently gnaw at the edges of
belly and heart
when the darkness descends
and the void inside
grows larger.
It can split you open.
And bone
in the centre of your chest
aches
like the cracked wishing bone
from the turkey breast.
And if we are strong enough
to be weak enough
we are given a wound
that never heals.
It is the gift
that keeps the heart open.
Oriah Mountain Dreamer ©1995
A BED OF NAILS
Some days ...
life is a bed of nails.
life is a bed of nails.
Some days are diamonds
Sung by John Denver
Words and music by Dick Feller
When you ask how I’ve been here without you
I like to say I’ve been fine and I do
But we both know the truth is hard to come by
And if I told the truth, that’s not quite true
Some days are diamonds, some days are stone
Some time the hard times won’t leave you alone
Some times the cold winds blow a chill in my bones
Some days are diamonds, some days are stone
Now the face that I see in my mirror
More and more is a stranger to me
More and more I can see there’s a danger
In becoming what I never thought I’d be
Some days are diamonds, some days are stone
Some time the hard times won’t leave you alone
Some times the cold winds blow a chill in my bones
Some days are diamonds, some days are stone
Sung by John Denver
Words and music by Dick Feller
When you ask how I’ve been here without you
I like to say I’ve been fine and I do
But we both know the truth is hard to come by
And if I told the truth, that’s not quite true
Some days are diamonds, some days are stone
Some time the hard times won’t leave you alone
Some times the cold winds blow a chill in my bones
Some days are diamonds, some days are stone
Now the face that I see in my mirror
More and more is a stranger to me
More and more I can see there’s a danger
In becoming what I never thought I’d be
Some days are diamonds, some days are stone
Some time the hard times won’t leave you alone
Some times the cold winds blow a chill in my bones
Some days are diamonds, some days are stone
REALITY
Some days ...
I cannot break through to reality.
My perception is altered.
My responses are inappropriate.
I feel encased, enclosed, inhibited, trapped ...
by chemicals and expectations.
I cannot break through to reality.
My perception is altered.
My responses are inappropriate.
I feel encased, enclosed, inhibited, trapped ...
by chemicals and expectations.
Some Days
by Tim Stensloff
Some days, I suture myself together
When the seams of my personality
Seem to tear so swiftly from the tether,
The quilted rag of my identity.
Some days, I allow my woolen spindle
To unravel itself into string.
Downward and unrolling, it's mass dwindles
As gravity forces it's spiraling.
Some days, I untangle the knotted threads
That tie all my patches tightly in place,
Preferring that maybe this time instead
I could sow myself and happily trace
The stitch-work compiling the positive
Ways in which, I think, I would like to live.
by Tim Stensloff
Some days, I suture myself together
When the seams of my personality
Seem to tear so swiftly from the tether,
The quilted rag of my identity.
Some days, I allow my woolen spindle
To unravel itself into string.
Downward and unrolling, it's mass dwindles
As gravity forces it's spiraling.
Some days, I untangle the knotted threads
That tie all my patches tightly in place,
Preferring that maybe this time instead
I could sow myself and happily trace
The stitch-work compiling the positive
Ways in which, I think, I would like to live.
IRRITATION
Some days ...
even the smallest thing
irritates me.
The starting point for this doll
was the story of 'The Princess and the Pea'.
even the smallest thing
irritates me.
The starting point for this doll
was the story of 'The Princess and the Pea'.
The Rainy Day
by Henry Wadsorth Longfellow
The day is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains, and the wind is never weary;
The vine still clings to the mouldering wall,
But at every gust the dead leaves fall,
And the day is dark and dreary.
My life is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains,and the wind is never weary;
My thoughts still cling to the mouldering past,
But the hopes of youth fall thick in the blast,
And the days are dark and dreary.
Be still, sad heart, and cease repining;
Behind the clouds is the sun still shining;
Thy fate is the common fate of all,
Into each life some rain must fall,
Some days must be dark and dreary.
by Henry Wadsorth Longfellow
The day is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains, and the wind is never weary;
The vine still clings to the mouldering wall,
But at every gust the dead leaves fall,
And the day is dark and dreary.
My life is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains,and the wind is never weary;
My thoughts still cling to the mouldering past,
But the hopes of youth fall thick in the blast,
And the days are dark and dreary.
Be still, sad heart, and cease repining;
Behind the clouds is the sun still shining;
Thy fate is the common fate of all,
Into each life some rain must fall,
Some days must be dark and dreary.
