It is two years since I participated in The Open Studios Project.
My dear friend, Jill Walker, of The Travelling Tuataras,
dropped in some photos that have been sitting on her computer since then.

Scanning through the images gave me an opportunity
to reflect on how the experience has impacted on my life since then.

I loved the studio experience:
a dedicated space to work;
flexible spaces to allow the dolls to dance and share their story;
walls that were temporary design boards.

I loved the interaction:
with myself and my ideas;
with the materials and patterns;
with the completed dolls;
with visitors.

I loved the challenge:
to treat my chosen art form as a discipline;
to work consistently and honestly;
to share my thoughts and practices;
to witness and evaluate my arts practice in a studio environment.

My dream would be to re-create a studio
where I could witness to the healing and transformative power of doll-making;
to keep pushing the boundaries and challenge perceptions;
to speak to the issues that confront all peoples;
to invite collaboration and contemplation.

The Open Studios Project was a dream lived consciously for six weeks.
It has created a dream that will live in my heart forever.

And now we are gone ...
just like the wind sock which flew away,
we have packed up our summer holiday experience.

A heartfelt THANK YOU to ...
The Arts Village
Rotorua Energy Trust
my fellow artists
Mary-Beth
my family and friends
the many visitors
and the stars of the show ...
my dolls!

May our creative endeavours continue to transform our lives.

Celebrate ...
the joy of creating
the generosity of time and space

Celebrate with ...
speeches
song
hula hooping
balance boarding
conversation
a picnic on the lawn

Celebrate ...
attentiveness
support
encouragement
collaboration

Celebrate with ...
a grateful heart
renewed hope
new horizons

Sometimes I have to force myself to 'push play'.
I allow self-doubt and inner critics to sabotage my desire to play.
I am in awe as I watch children joyfully dive into the bins of fabric and flowers and ribbons,
finding the pieces that are just right.

I tend to 'freeze up' when asked to create in a group.
I watch and enjoy the creations of others.
One of the things I have learned over this summer is that
I am quite able to make design decisions, choose fabrics, and complete dolls in the public forum.
What possibilities does this create for me?
What doors may be opened?
What thresholds will I cross?

"The Rose"
 
From Rainer Maria Rilke, there is a story which takes place during his first stay in Paris. Together with a young Frenchwoman he passed a square at lunch time, where a woman sat begging for money.
Without looking up to any giver, without expressing any other sign of need or thankfulness beside her constantly outstretched hand, the woman always sat in the same place. Rilke never gave anything, his companion frequently gave a coin. One day the Frenchwoman, surprised, asked for the reason why he never gave anything, and Rilke answered her: "we should give to her heart, not to her hand." 
 
A few days later, Rilke brought a white rose with him that was just beginning to bloom. He laid it on the open, emaciated hand of the beggar woman and wanted to continue on. Then the unexpected
happened: the beggar woman looked up, saw the giver, struggled to her feet, groped for the hand of the stranger, kissed it and left with the rose. 
 
For a week the old woman disappeared; the place, where she had previously begged remained empty. In vain, Rilke's companion searched for an answer, who would give the old woman alms now.
After eight days, the beggar woman suddenly sat again as in the past at her usual place. She was silent as then, again showing her neediness only by her outstretched hand.  "But what did she live on all those days when she received nothing?", asked the Frenchwoman. Rilke answered: "the  rose"....

This story moves me to reflect on my time in The Cottage Gallery.

The Arts Village and the Rotorua Energy Trust provided the physical necessities:
a space, electricity, administrative assistance, advertising.
They gave to my hand.

But it was the people who gave to my heart.
The laughter and tears.
The hugs and handshakes.
The stories and the questions.
The discussions and the collaborations.
It was these human interactions that
 enabled and empowered me;
nurtured ideas;
sustained me;
reinforced my belief that dolls and dollmaking can be transformative and healing;
a springboard for discussion;
a vehicle for revelation.
These interactions reminded me over and over
of the inherent dignity of each human being we encounter.

I am grateful.

"You must give birth to your images.
They are the future waiting to be born.
Fear not the strangeness you feel.
The future must enter you long before it happens.
Just wait for the birth,
for the hour of the new clarity."
Rainer Maria Rilke

I feel encouraged by Rilke's words,
 especially as I have really struggled with the last few dolls.
But as I struggle to birth new ideas,
I try to remember what has made this doll possible - and be grateful.

Consider one piece of recycled fabric ...
Where was the cotton grown? Have irrigation schemes destroyed the river systems?
What chemicals were used to control pests and encourage growth?
Were the workers treated fairly? Did they earn enough to feed their families?
Were the cotton mills healthy places to work? Noise, fumes, dust, hours, dyes.
Did the transporters have safe vehicles and safe roads? What fuels did they burn?
Were the garment factories and sweatshops just employers?
Did they use child labour?
Did the final user of this garment enjoy it, treasure it,
or simply cast it away as unfashionable after a short season?
Was it donated to an opportunity shop where monies are raised to help the needy?

Now it is in my hands ... continuing the story.
I hope I can be a good steward of what is entrusted to me.

The poster at the entrance to The Cottage Gallery says
'Liz Pearce dollmaker'

But what's in a name?
Is the label dollmaker important or defining?
Why would I want to change it -
pride?
money?
self-esteem?
identity?
So I considered all the labels that have been given me
while I have participated in The Open Studios Project.

dollmaker
Absolutely correct.
I make dolls.

textile archivist
recording the domestic history of the community
Absolutely correct.
Consider Ladies a Plate and Cosy Up With A Bit Of Skirt

textile artist
Absolutely correct.
I create art dolls using textiles.

outsider artist
Absolutely correct.
I am self-taught, with little contact with the mainstream art world.

crafter
Absolutely correct.
I work hard at my craft, exploring ideas, designs, materials, series.

fine artist
Absolutely correct.
Dolls made in a series, reflecting a concept

What's in a name?
Very little, really.
I am who I am,
trying to become the best person I can be,
trying to realise the gifts I have been given, for the good of all I encounter.

Liz Pearce
loved and loving human being

Mystery.
Our life is a mystery, and rich in mystery.

I love a good mystery like ...
Who left the white rose on my sewing machine?

I love to explore the mystery -
experiment, contemplate, ask questions, like ...
Where does the creative spirit come from?
What extinguishes the desire to create?
Will I ever have time to create all the dolls queuing in my mind,
waiting to be formed and transformed?
Why do I use textiles while others use paint or clay or camera?
How is a piece of work elevated from 'craft' to 'fine art'?
Which is more important - process or product?
What does the perfect studio look like?
Why do dolls appeal?

My few weeks in The Cottage Gallery has been an opportunity
to explore the mystery that is my life.

Conversations filled my day.

Conversations 
with whanau;
with artists;
with volunteers;
with visitors.

Conversations
with fabric;
with patterns;
with ideas;
with techniques;
with designs;
with tools.

Conversations on and around
the picnic rug;
the art table;
the Cottage Gallery;
the sofa.

Conversations
about art and craft;
about exhibitions liked and disliked;
about definitions;
about real estate;
about emigration;
about labyrinths;
about Uglydolls;
about the best paper airplane;
about Baubo.

Conversations which
inspired;
solidified;
confirmed;
opened;
encouraged;
invited;
affirmed.

Conversations filled my day ... and I am richly blessed.

It began with a philosophical discussion about Friedrich Nietzsche's quote,
"The essence of all beautiful art,
all great art,
is gratitude."
I think it goes back to our understanding of grace.
I consider grace as pure, undeserved gift - of our life, of the abundance with which we live.
Gratitude is our only possible response.
 
A surprise visit from Clare, who brought in her mother's doll collection.
Little treasures collected over time and space.
They now have a new home with Heartfelt Dolls.
Thank you.

When I returned from a funeral, amazing music filled The Arts Village.
Don and friend were jamming.
What an auditory delight!
Later, piano music filtered out of Studio Two.
We were mesmerized!
Music has this intrinsic power to lift the soul;
to console and to revive;
to unite communities;
to rejuvenate the creative spirit.
We were richly blessed today.

Shari Cole, quilter extraordinaire, and Arts Resident last season,
spent time stitching in the Cottage Gallery.
It is very precious to have this thread connecting us through time.
The Open Studios Project community grows and flourishes.